Jerry Orbach

So I guess he's leaving "Law & Order" (bum-BUM!). And I see they got Dennis Farina to replace him. I can see why they'd do that. Though Jerry Orbach quitting is on par with either: a) the pope dying, or b) Castro relinquishing power. Shit. Talk about the end of an era.

The ad on TV I saw for the season premier of "Law & Order" (bum-BUM!) said that it would be unlike any other in the 14 years of the show. I found that odd, because Jerry Orbach has been on the show for thirty-seven years, meaning he's been on "Law & Order" (bum-BUM!) more than double the amount of time it's existed. That's crazy! Also, what's he going to do now? I can only assume he'll star in a "Law & Order: Jerry Orbach Unit" where Jerry Orbach just makes surly and sarcastic jokes about the state of the world.

I mean, seriously, this guy's been on forever. I always assumed that in the future, when the sun finally explodes, all that's gonna be left on earth are cockroaches. And these cockroaches would watch Jerry Orbach on "Law & Order."

But so now I'm over Jerry Orbach leaving (no, I'm not, but you're probably bored of reading about him here). Let's talk about the show itself. Those casting people must have a hell of a time finding new actors to play criminals. Whenever I'm at a restaurant here, I assume my waiter has been featured on "Law & Order" and I spend my time trying to place which episode he or she has been on.

Here's my idea on how to keep the show going for infinity (they're doing a good job one their own though). It's called "Law & Order: Parole Violations." Each week involves a case about a crook they caught in Season 1 who's out on parole and who gets caught doing something else.

SAM WATERSON (voice quivering): You killed the man! In cold blood!
DEFENSE ATTORNEY: You have no proof.
ACCUSED: Yeah. No proof.
SW: Maybe not. But you had a beer in McSorley's last night. That violates your parole.

SAM WATERSON SMILES AND LOOKS AT THE NEWEST PRETTY ASSISTANT D.A. AS THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY GLANCES AT THE ACCUSED. THE ACCUSED GRIMACES, LOOKS DOWN, AND WE FADE OUT...

Bum-BUM!