Wow

I was watching a basketball game and a hockey game broke out.

Zing!

3 non-questions

I don't suppose part of George Bush's torte reform ideas involve ending frivolous complaints filed at the FCC against broadcasters? Griping about Saving Private Ryan? Seriously?

Fuck shit ass dick damn. There, take that.

Me and McNabb

I'm watching the Eagles-Cowboys Monday Night Football game right now. I went to college with Donovan McNabb. He was a year ahead of me at Syracuse, and while I don't know him, I had a couple interactions with him at school which make him more of a real-life person than that strange, distanced "idea-of-a-person" phenomenon well-known people have. He was a Speech Communications major. I was a dual English/TV-Radio-Film major (insert "2 majors and no job prospects" joke here).

Now, having watched the first half, I can't help but think that up to this point, Donovan McNabb has been way more successful at his career than I have been. And I can almost guarantee my GPA was better.

I knew I should have majored in Speech Comm.

An observation based on the first 2 Simpsons episodes this season:

Man, is that show dead.

Wha-?

Someone found my site doing a yahoo search for "don beebe syracuse." Don Beebe, the speedster wide receiver for the Buffalo Bills in the early '90s, and Syracuse have nothing in common as far as I can tell. Except that I lived in Buffalo and went to school in Syracuse.

What have I learned?

"don beebe syracuse" is the weirdest way to look me up on the web.

Attorney General

In resigning, Ashcroft said, "The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved."

And to think, I was still a little worried. But I can't imagine this administration or anyone involved with it calling something like this prematurely. So, let me congratulate John Ashcroft for a MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Oh wait, that reminds me of something else.... What is it? Oh well.

Hey, nice banner.

My Name If I Lived In Other Countries

Russia: Khavin Lapinov
Germany: K. von Lapsberg
Czech Republic: Kevn Lapp
Sweden: Kevin Lapstrom
Finland: Kevi Laappinen
Slovakia: Kevinislav Lapen
Latvia: Khevins Lapinns
Canada: Kevyn Lappin
France: Kevin Lapin
Japan: Kevimoto Lapinaka
Mexico: Cevin Lapinez
Italy: Kevino LaPinni

My Own Basement Tapes

I'd like to be in a band -- and I don't play any instruments, but maybe we could squeeze a triangle or tambourine into some songs -- but anyway I'd like to be in a band consisting of: M. Doughty and D. Boon on vocals; Kim Deal on bass/back-up vocals; John Lee Hooker and Mick Jones on guitar; and and Stuart Copeland on drums. Maybe John Cale as a sort of musical arranger. Rick Rubin would produce. If he was too busy maybe Daniel Lanois. We'd perform on John Peel's show.

I have no idea what kind of a band this would be, and it's certainly not meant to be any kind of "ultimate band," but I'd love rocking out on the triangle with them.

Back to Normal

The past few months have been nothing but politics (what? There's no hockey) but now we're back to normal. To wit: the news out here in LA covered their first live police chase in a long time. It had it all - helicoptors, police cars, people on sidewalks cheering the perp on... except I suppose "chase" is too loose a term. Why?

Because the guy was stopping at stop signs. And not speeding.

It was less a "chase" and more a "following." The cops just sort of followed this car as it obeyed all traffic laws (well, except the one about pulling over when the cops tell you to). Then the guy finally got out, put his hands behind his head, and lay on the ground.

Ahh... highway chases and Lakers. This crap that passes for normalcy in LA is back.

Hmmmm....

This seems interesting. I hear Vancouver's nice.

Creative Outburst

What a flurry of activity on this blog.

I really think

Joe Scarborough wants to sleep with Pat Buchanan.

Halfway to peace?

Arafat is dying. Maybe we can use his skull to bash Sharon's in, and then start some peace talks!

My girls

Two friends from college and NYC are visiting LA this week. On Wednesday morning, this Republican guy in a Yankees hat comes into the room. My one friend looks up, then she says:

"Oh my God, I just lost my president, and now you're wearing a Yankees hat!!!"

The guy sort of cowers. Then he stammers, "but I thought you were from New York."

She comes right back, "But I'm a Mets fan, and what's more, I WANTED the Sox to win."

Now there's a great girl. Both my friends are, and this week of hanging out with them has made me really really really miss New York. I'm surprised by how much. I need to get back there somehow...

I was still a little confused

About the election results. But I just saw a commercial for Wal-Mart. And there you have it.

Get Rich Quick Scheme

My friend and I came up with a plan. Here's the deal: we band together, waltz into banks and rob them with no fear of the police. We rape, pillage, and plunder. Then, when we're about to get arrested, we just say, "no gay marriage" and everyone forgets that we just COMPLETELY FUCKED EVERYTHING ELSE!!! Then we walk away with the money.

RE: election

Oh, wait... there's a knock at my door. Hopefully it's the man with the gun ready to put a slug in my head. Just in time, too...

Also...

I hate that religion is such a factor in elections in America. For all the people who vote for Bush simply because he is against a woman's choice, he's believes he was mandated by God, he is against stem cell research, and he's against gay marriage: THERE'S A FUCKING WAR GOING ON FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! PEOPLE ARE DYING FOR NO REASON!!! Roe v. Wade will not be overturned, and seriously? Gay people being able to marry is such an abhorrance to you? With the state of the world, this is a huge concern? Really?

Fuck. All. Of. You.

New Hampshire

OK, my alleged joke of feigned unawareness of the vote notwithstanding - they just showed Kerry up by 1% over Bush in New Hampshire, with Nader getting 1%. I swear to Christ if Bush wins by like 1 Electoral College vote I hope all the hippies in Vermont suddenly swear off peace and love and invade their neighbors, and fuck shit up.

This Toleda/Miami (OH) college football game is exciting. Thank God, as I don't know what else to watch on TV... oh, look, what are Brokaw, Jennings, Rather, Hume, and Matthews talking about?

RE: ABC News

What is the name Cokie short for?

I am nervous

I feel like I did when Scott Norwood was lining up that 42-yard field goal in Super Bowl XX. Nervous excitement at the prospect of a Super Bowl victory mixed with the desire to vomit when thinking of the possibility of losing.

These 50/50 type things never seem to go my way. But eventually, the law of probability will even things out, right? As such, I can only assume Scott Norwood missed that field goal so as to allow John Kerry to win this election.

(Just as the next three Super Bowl loses in blow-out fashion ensure Jessica Biel AND Natalie Portman will soon fall in love with me.)

Tomorrow

I am so getting my democracy on!!!