How to Make the Terry Schaivo Case Even More Absurd

Terry Schaivo dies today on Good Friday, and then on Sunday when they go to bury her the pull open the door at the funeral home and find her body missing. Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and the President -- among others -- proclaim an Easter miracle and then proceed to lose their shit (literally and figuratively) speculating what this means. Meanwhile, Tom DeLay commits suicide out of fear that God is coming and whatever He plans on meting out is worse than death. There are also massive book burnings, school shootings, suicides, and the like throughout the South, Michigan, and Ohio. Texas, in fact, goes so far as sentencing itself (as in the whole state) to be hanged. Just because.

Then a couple of days later they discover Terry's just been stolen by some fundamentalist Christian guy who is holed up in his farm, armed to the teeth. There is no miracle. The federal government storms the house, kills the guy in a shootout, and take Terry back to Florida.

In response to the truth about the missing body and their overreaction, the administration, radio talk show hosts, and Fox News all blame the "liberal media" and it's slanted, biased reporting. Miracle of God? We never said such a thing. Fuck you Michael Moore, Dan Rather, and Maureen Dowd!!!

Then, at Tom DeLay's funeral, there's a bomb scare. It seems the Right Wing Fundamentalist nuts have woken up to the realities of who they've elected to office: a Congress, governors, and an administration that, despite the religious beliefs they share, is the opposite of what they thought they were electing. They now have a Federal (and in some cases, state) government willing to stick it's nose in it's citizens private lives -- and in this most recent case THE most private of issues. And now these fundamentalists' insanities are boiling over and they are reacting.

Martial law is enacted, we have nationwide curfews. Talk show radio hosts are forced to go to short wave radio because of power outages to radio stations. The soldiers in Iraq, realizing it's just safer there, stay in the Middle East after their tours of duty are done. Insanity rules.

And that's when Canada attacks...