What a Waste of Your (the reader's) Time This Post Is

People are all about Rachel Nichols, the ESPN reporter. I mentioned her once and now apparently this blog shows up when every horny SportsCenter junkie Googles her. Based on the "recent referrers" she's a popular search.

I wrote about this trend earlier and I assume the added mentions of Rachel Nichols of ESPN on the blog moved my page higher and higher on the google list for Rachel Nichols of ESPN, and as more and more people mistakenly clicked to this blog from doing searches of Rachel Nichols of ESPN, it moved even higher yet on the list bringing even more Rachel Nichols of ESPN searchers here. It's all some sort of non-self-fulfilling prophecy. And I don't know how, but I'm sure "meta-" is applicable in some way here.

I can only imagine how many (disappointed) people this entry will bring here. You know, people looking for Rachel Nichols. Of ESPN.

Rachel Nichols.

From Discovery of, to a Shift in, the Space-Time Continuum

I was reading an article the other day about Albert Einstein and the role that reading philosophy and understanding the arts had on his scientific mind. It was an interesting read and I think I was able to extrapolate some of the themes of the article and apply them to life in the hyper-consumer/hyper-capitalist society we Americans live in today. It seems to me -- OMG!!! BRAD AND ANGELINA WERE SEEN ON THE BEACH TOGETHER!!! I KNEW IT I JUST KNEW IT HA HA I TOLD YOU THEY WERE AN ITEM!!!! OMG!!!

Sideshow Brian Roberts

I remember watching one of Brian Roberts' first games in the Big Leagues on ESPN. It was a season where he was in that classic "gonna-be-good-but-needs-to-play-every-day-in-AAA" situations. And sure enough, in his first call-up stint he played great, even homering in his first game. (I think. Maybe it was his second.)

A couple of years later and he was still just a pretty good ball player. Until now.

I don't expect him to bat .378 all season, but it sure is fun watching him while he is. And hopefully when he comes back down to earth a little bit he'll continue playing at a high level.

Rockin' On Kevin's Floor

I've been teaching myself guitar for the past week or so. I've tried this numerous times before and each time I've quit. But I'm serious this time. I bought an electric guitar and an amp because the acoustic guitar strings were killing me.

Plus I want to rock out. Hard.

I'm now able to stumble my way through "Knockin' on Heaven's Door", "The KKK Took My Baby Away" and "All Apologies."

Ribbit

The hometown -- Buffalo, NY -- made the Men's Health magazine list of the happiest cities in America. The ratings were based on sales of anti-depressants, suicide data, and the like. So while I may be thrilled to not be living in Buffalo anymore, the people who stayed there seem to like it.

Though having lived there for nearly 21 years, I have to wonder if it's a sort of frog in boiling water-type deal.

Government Hypocricy (or, duh)

President Bush is going to sign a bill that makes filing for bankruptcy more difficult. In the simplest of terms, stopping people from running up huge credit card bills and loans with no prospect of paying them back seems like a good idea.

Except what about people who have medical emergencies? Or other dire situations? There is no accounting for circumstances; everyone is lumped together.

And now our government officials are fighting people who irresponsibly (or not) run up high bills with no way to pay it back. The same people who "balance" the budget every year. No more spending what you don't have, huh?

I don't suppose these new standards apply to the national debt?

Re: My Earlier Comedians List

How did I forget David Cross?

Money Gone to Heaven

I have a ticket to see the Pixies. $57. Giant fucking arena shows cost less.

But man is it gonna be sweet.

I'd Pay Top-Dollar

The last post got me thinking, who would I pay the most money to see live in different sports? And who, all-time (in terms of players who played during my lifetime) would I pay the most to see?

1) NFL: Michael Vick. Duh. The most exciting player in the league right now. Imagine how great he'll be when he gets a decent wide receiver. ALL-TIME: Barry Sanders. He could lose a couple yards on a carry and still make it the greatest play of the game.

2) NHL: Mario Lemieux. This was close. Jarome Iginla and (a healthy) Pavel Bure are right behind him. But Mario Lemieux is, in my opinion, the most talented player of all-time. If Lemieux had stayed healthy I think he would have outscored Wayne Gretzky, and if Gretzky had Lemieux's skill-set to go along with his smarts and instinct he would have another thousand points. ALL-TIME: This is tough. Lemieux is a consideration. I caught the end of Gilbert Perreault's career, and his end-to-end rushes in his older age were still things of beauty. But Dominik Hasek was the most dominant player I saw on a regular basis, and I think incredible saves are just as exciting as goals.

3) NBA: Allen Iverson. See the earlier post. ALL-TIME: Michael Jordan. Do I need to explain?

4) MLB: Ichiro. He is so exciting, he can change the game at the plate, on the base path, and in the field. I'd want someone to try and run on him, though, because his throws from the outfield are bullets. It's like the ball is on a line. Fast, straight, and accurate. ALL-TIME: Nolan Ryan. Watching a great pitching performance is a treat. I think people mistake a low-scoring game as a boring game. If runners get stranded and there are a lot of walks but no runs, sure -- that's boring. But a 1-0 game with two pitchers on top of it is just as exciting. I saw Pedro Martinez v. Mike Mussina in Yankee Stadium once. But the best performance I've ever seen live was Roy Oswalt pitching against the Dodgers. Oswalt is a very, very good pitcher, and he brought his A-game. He was a pleasure to watch. And I think witnessing Nolan Ryan load up and fire away would be great.

5) Soccer: What? I like soccer. I'd say Thierry Henry. I'm an Arsenal fan, so this is biased, but he's magnificent. Though Ronaldinho has some sweet moves. ALL-TIME: Pele. Why? See My Michael Jordan explanation.

The Answer

I can't stand the NBA. It's boring. The atmosphere at the games sucks, the forced chants they play during gameplay is annoying, and there's no flow to the isolation styles they all play. I'll watch college ball over NBA any day.

However, I do love watching Allen Iverson play. Since I don't care about the league, have no interest in any of the teams, don't care about his attitude and how it affects the league and his teammates or the whole "practice" debacle from last season, all of Iverson's supposed "issues" aren't issues for me.

He hustles every game. I mean, this guy plays hard. He's not scared to go to the basket. He plays defense. He has no size advantage over anyone, and in fact needs to overcome his small stature by being that much better than everyone else. Lately, I've seen his highlights and box scores on SportsCenter, and he is scoring AND assisting like crazy. And rebounding. And stealing.

In terms of paying money to watch one single basketball game, I would pay the most to watch a game involving Allen Iverson.

Maybe I'm Not Alone

Judging by the "recent referers" I am beginning to think what I perceived as an odd celebrity (of sorts) crush isn't, in fact, so odd. While I am content to observe that Rachel Nichols of ESPN is interesting-in-a-good-way both aesthetically and in her on-air delivery, a lot of people are Googling for pictures of her.

When they come here they must be thoroughly disappointed.

Unless these are people who read my post, did a search for her, and accidentally ended up back on my blog in some mad circle. Which, again -- disappointment.

Me, Pretending to be Tom Waits, and Writing Lyrics to a New Song

I drove a car off a cliff and played harmonica on the way down / And drank a glass of Jack on the rocks just before I hit rock bottom / But it don't matter 'cuz I went through the windshield up top.

Cadillac Louie sold me an idea, then he hit me on my head and stole it back.

I ain't never gonna pass the bar, but I can sit in one real good / And argue all day for free.

Weird Crushes

I have this strange attraction to Rachel Nichols, the ESPN reporter. I think it's the way she says her sign-off: "Rachel Nichols, ESPN." She sounds so snobby and haughty. I have no idea why I like that so much. But I do.

The Death of Mitch Hedberg Got Me Thinking

Who are my favorite comedians? In no particular order:

Bill Hicks: smart, heretical, irreverant, subversive
Mitch Hedberg: it took a a second to get them, but his jokes were brilliantly random
Chris Rock: socially aware, attacks all sides. Funniest guy still out there
Woody Allen (his old stuff): great storyteller
Dave Attell: just balls-out funny
Eddie Izzard: very intelligent, witty, and literate comedy
Adam Carolla: his rants and tangents are filled with bizarre, yet relevant, analogies
Richard Pryor: I'm not even going to say why. An obvious selection
George Carlin: another smart comedian, points out absurdity everywhere
Norm McDonald: nothing spectacular about Norm, he's just funny. The smartest dumb guy I've heard. Plus it's not much of an act as much as it's just HIM. Weirdo.

I also really like the idea of Andy Kaufman. More so than his comedy. I think if I paid money to see him perform live and he just read The Great Gatsby I'd be a little pissed. However, as a third party to it, I think it's absolutely hilarious. Reading The Great Gatsby is not inherently funny, but reading it to thousands of people as they get angrier and angrier at you is.