Even Jesus Would Pre-Emptively Kick the Shit Out of L. Ron Hubbard For The Crap He Started

From an article about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' engagement:

"The twosome otherwise known as TomKat have been the target of rampant speculation over whether their coupling is contrived ever since they went public with their relationship in April."

"The twosome otherwise known as TomKat..."? Huh? Is it really necessary to clarify who they're talking about? Tom What and Katie Who? I don't know who -- oh! TomKat! Well, why didn't you just say so!? What, am I going to be confused without the nickname? I understand the concept of Tom Cruise, and I am aware of Katie Holmes, but... now that they're a couple I can't comprehend it! My mind isn't able to process this. I mean, in high school I wasn't able to fully grasp all the implications of "3.14159265....." but then teacher told me about "pi" and to keep the number to 3.14 and then I was at least able to have some basic frame of reference on it. But Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, geez, how am I supposed to reconcile that? Oh, TomKat. Got it. Why didn't you say so, Euclid?

And also, Tom Cruise is so disgustingly famous from his mediocre work that you can just say "Tom" and people know who you are referring to. Tom! It's not like "Shaq" where there's only one gigantic motherfucker named Shaquille. There are tons of Toms. Tons of famous ones, too. Heck -- Tom Hanks and Tom Brady are pretty popular people. But Mary fucking Hart (please retire) vomits up the name "Tom" and everyone knows "Cruise."

Hey, remember when Rob Pilatus and Fabrice Morvan had their Grammys taken away? Who? Rob Pilatus and Fabrice Morvan, otherwise known as Milli Vanilli. And do you think Michael Chicklis was a good choice for Benjamin Grimm? Who? Benjamin Grimm, otherwise known as The Thing from the Fantastic Four. See how that works? In no way does "otherwise known as TomKat" fit the rules.

I'm so pissed I can't just turn off a crappy Tom Cruise flick to stay the hell away from that freak. Aren't there comets coming you need to kill yourself to hitch a ride on?