East Coast, Here I Come!!!

Bright and early tomorrow morning I will hop in a cab for only the 3rd time in 4-and-a-half years and head to my friends apartment. From there, the cab will drive up and over the hill and into the Valley, up North Hollywood Way to the Bob Hope Airport in Burbank (great to be in Burbank, Johnny!) where I will be poked and prodded and searched for bombs. An hour or so later I will board the socialist, populist experience that is a Southwest Airlines flight (man, I hope I get to board with the "A"s) for a brief stop in Phoenix, and then off across the rest of the continent to sunny-but-holy-crap-is-it-frigid-my-left-nut-just-fell-off-and-shattered-like-ice Buffalo, NY.

In Buffalo, I will:

- Eat a char-broiled hot dog at Ted's.
- Eat some wings at either Duff's or Brennan's, though possibly at both.
- Build a snowman
- Eat a beef on weck sandwich
- Go to a Sabres game (they are something like 14-1-1 in the past 16. Suck it, Toronto)
- Eat at Mighty Taco
- Drink some loganberry
- Eat donuts and drink coffee at both Tim Horton's and Dunkin' Donuts, certainly on consecutive days but also possibly on the same day.
- Push my brother in a snow bank
- Find my old-timey Nintendo system in the attic to bring back to Los Angeles.
- Drink

Then, on December 28th, I drive to New York City with my sister and my friend, where I will:

- Eat at Gray's Papaya
- See Tim, Jeremy, Shaila, Steph, possibly Krissy
- Apparently NOT ride the subway
- Hang out with Gibi and Sneha in New York, after only knowing them out here in Los Angeles.
- Stay as far away as possible from Times Square
- Eat pizza
- Browse the Strand Bookstore
- Go to CBGBs one last time
- Spend most of my time in Brooklyn

A week and a half of piling up the reasons why Los Angeles sort of blows.

Then I fly back. Every time I fly I'm convinced the plane is going to crash, so hopefully I'll make it back here, even though it does, on many levels, blow.

Eugene Debs Meets Football

Terrell Owens says he feels "used" by the Eagles. They got him to get to the Super Bowl, and then they did, and he feels "used." A worker feeling used by management.

Welcome to America, Terrell.

Donut Nerdness

A friend of mine went back east for an extended Thanksgiving break. She returned to Los Angeles and brought back... Dunkin' Donuts. A whole dozen for all of us east coasters. I had a glazed chocolate one. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing.

I haven't met an east coaster whose eyes don't light up whenever Dunkin' Donuts is mentioned. The donuts are great, and the coffee is even better. I would have had sex with that donut if it was possible... er, well, I guess it is possible, actually, based on the structure of a donut but, well, you get what I'm saying. And despite having their corporate offices in California (or so I've been led to believe), there are no Dunkin' Donuts shops out here. I'm pretty sure the closest one is somewhere in Arizona.

I don't understand what the hold up is. There are donut shops on every single corner and in every single strip mall in LA. There are Winchell's Donuts. There is even a Krispy Kreme somewhere in the Valley. And, might I add, Krispy Kreme is the Coldplay of donuts. Everyone seems to love them, but the truth of the matter is, they suck. Hard. They just are not good. Chris Rock claims they're so good they must have crack in them. It's a funny bit, but not true. They're incredibly overrated. The only decent one is the Pumpkin Spice donut, which they made from Halloween through January of 2004-05, but didn't make this year for some stupid reason.

This state can't get anything right.

Ho hum

So.

Here I am. It's been a long time, now I'm coming back home. Or something. A few weeks since I've written, waiting for something to talk about. Nothing interesting has happened lately aside from loads of dull nights sitting at abar drinking for hours and not really talking to anyone other than the people I went with. You want Thanksgiving stories? Well, are you really interested in stories of little kids and fat Siamese cats? Yeah, me neither. Dating stories? How about one perfectly civil but ultimately dull dinner and then in another instance getting drunk enough to hit on a friend, but in a half-assed way... yeah, it's boring just writing that sentence. Sorry you had to read it. Snarky comments on the president? Overdone. Hockey? I mean, I'm willing but probably not so much you guys. Satire writing? Others do it and do it better. Hollywood stories? Please. What else is there... oh, I'm learning guitar. Good for me.

I'm going to get a hooker, do some blow and play with guns just to make this blog interesting.