Mmmm Bort Bort. Mmmm Bort Bort

I've learned a few things about myself recently. The most important of which is, I can bake.

Recently I've lost two bets where the loser (i.e. me) was required to bake something for the other person. The parameters of these bets were set because of my own arrogance, and I really have no one but myself to blame for my bruised ego and full stomach. My friend makes some really delicious Rice Krispie squares, and I wanted some. So, when the question "Did Kevin Spacey voice a character in Antz or A Bug's Life? popped up, I immediately saw an opportunity to get a fresh batch of Snap, Crackle, and Pop's finest for myself.

"He was in A Bug's Life," my friend said.
"No way, it was Antz," I yelled. "Wanna bet?"

Our hands extended across the table, and we shook. A nanosecond later a previously dormant brain synapse fired. Oh crap, Kevin Spacey was the voice in A Bug's Life. Crap crap crap. In my slightly buzzed state, I tried to bully my way to victory. I taunted my opponent. I made jokes. I made numerous references to how awesome the Rice Krispie squares were going to be.

And then the next morning I opened my email and saw an imdb link had been sent to me. I lost. Like I knew I would, but not only did I lose the bet, I lost a bet in which I argued like an asshole. And now I had to bake a cake for my friend for her birthday, and I had never ever baked in my life. "It's not too hard," I was told. "Just buy Betty Crocker." Fuck that. I'm making this from scratch. And so we all ate homemade pumpkin-spice cake, with homemeade cream cheese icing.

And it doesn't end there. Lo and behold, a week or so later, another opportunity to wager arose. Who sang that popular cover version of Prince's "Darling Nicki"? "The Foo Fighters?" I incredulously yelled at another friend. "No way. It was most certainly not the Foo Fighters. It's someone like Trapt. Or Papa Roach. Or someone like that. Not the Foo Fighters. Don't be ridiculous." Basically, she had the Foo Fighters and I had every other single band. Ever. In the history of music.

And the next morning I opened my email and was greeted with: SUBJECT: You must really like losing these bets...

Are you kidding me? Again? I would have bet my life on this one. I would have been dead. I spent an hour -- an HOUR -- googling to find more "Darling Nicki" covers. And I found a lot of them, but none I could pass off as being the version I was thinking of. And later, at a party, I asked to room to be quiet. I asked who did that cover of Prince's "Darling Nicki" and was almost knocked over by the chorus of "THE FOO FIGHTERS" that came my way, without any hesitation.

So I made a chocolate strawberry cake. From scratch.

If anyone has a birthday coming up, make a bet with me. Three things will happen:

1) You will win.
2) You will be able to throw it in my face because I will argue like an asshole, and probably insult you in numerous ways, pointing out your stupidity on numerous levels.
3) You will get delicious cake, because I can bake.