Things I Don't Remember

I have been in the belly of the beast, and I have survived. I walked inside the great monster's mouth fully aware and of my own volition. I was asked. I declined. I was asked again. There was pleading. I wavered. My enemies sensed my weakness and the pack attacked. My will crumbled.

I agreed to go.

After swearing it off for all eternity, this past weekend I was in Las Vegas. A city I hate. A place I despise. A joke I don't get. It was a friend's co-ed bachelorette party, and I won't lie to you -- the 2:1 girl-to-guy ratio was really the killshot. A bullet in my brain.

But I had a good time. Good people. Good drinking. Bad gambling, but like I said, good drinking. Some highlights/observations.

- A girl wearing a white bridal veil in Vegas is a douchebag magnet. I was privy to a whole parade of schmucks, losers, assholes, and vagabonds. God, do I hate dudes.
- I put $20 on the Buffalo Sabres winning the Stanley Cup at 12-1 odds.
- Going to Vegas with 8 girls not only cuts down considerably your time waiting in line for clubs, it also gets you in said clubs for free. God, do I love chicks.
- The brunch at the Wynn casino is quite possibly the greatest brunch ever. Do yourselves a favor and go. Omelettes and sushi. Yum.
- How to make a turkey club sandwich on pumpernickel: Get a large bed. Arrange 5 people on said bed in this order: Indian girl, Irish guy, Bengali girl, Irish guy, Indian girl. Try not to fall off the bed.
- I saw AC Slater and some guy from Laguna Beach at a club.
- My friend (a guy) is waaaaayyy too excited about seeing the Laguna Beach guy.
- 3-card poker gives you a chance to win a lot of money, but it also takes a lot away.
- In a related story, you'd think 20 would be enough to win a big hand of Black Jack when the dealer shows a 4.
- Some cab drivers like it when you sing songs in the cabs. Others don't.
- When you drink in your room to save money at the clubs, you usually get drunk enough that you end up spending money on drinks at the clubs.
- What goes on in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Unless you drunk dial people. Then it doesn't.