Why? Because Like That Joan Jett Song Says Is Why

I'm enough of a music nerd to really get into this. A friend sent me this: you're supposed to put your music player on shuffle (how presumptuous!) and the songs that play answer the questions.

1) How am I feeling today?

"Bitter Tears" by INXS
In the mist
Of my endless search
The best in life
Becomes clear
The rest just begins
To fade by itself
That's a trick I learnt
Though it took so long
Bitter tears taste so sweet

Optimistic, apparently, that the good will stay and the bad will go away - despite feeling bad right now.

2) Will I get far in life?

"Aquemini" by OutKast
Even the sun goes down heroes eventually die
Horoscopes often lie and sometimes "Y"
Nothing is for sure, nothing is for certain, nothing lasts forever

The song version of: "Too hazy to tell now. Ask again later." How ominous.

3) How do my friends see me?

"Honey Pie" by the Beatles
Honey pie you are making me crazy
I'm in love but I'm lazy
So won't you please come home
Oh honey pie my position is tragic
Come and show me the magic
Of your Hollywood song

A legend of the silver screen? (I wish.) Obviously this is my New York friends wishing I'd move back 'cross country. Though they should move out here.

4) Where will I get married?

"Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah" by the Pogues

Ireland.

5) What is my best friend's theme song?

"Deltron 3030" by Deltron (Del tha Funkee Homosapien and Dan the Automator)

This really should have been the Tragically Hip or a Kings of Leon tune. I can't for the life of me justify this one. It's got a spacey, soaring sound and odd futuristic lyrics about crimes against an oppressive government involving technology. It's very Blade Runner or Minority Report. As a finance person for a record label, my best friend hates music piracy, and while I don't think that's what the song is about, if it was it would run counter to his position. Maybe he's not my best friend?

6) What is the story of my life?

"Polly" by the Kinks

The Prodigal Son. Apparently I left home after defying my parents, led a wild and crazy lifestyle in the big city, was the toast of the town and known by all, realized what a mistake it was, and moved back home, apologizing for my behavior. Well, I can't wait for the "swinging scene" part of my life to begin.

7) What is/was high school like?

"If That's Alright" by Uncle Tupelo

Every day is dreamlike
It seems like,
In every way
And that's why
When I look back on my life
It's like a slideshow out of focus

I drank a lot, but not that much. There's also a rueful tone in the way Jeff Tweedy sings that doesn't apply. I did get a concussion playing soccer once, and I don't remember much of that day... it's pretty hazy and weird and dreamlike.

8) How can I get ahead in life?

"Garageland" by the Clash

By not selling out; by staying true to my beliefs. Sneer at those with lesser conviction:

Back in the garage with my bullshit detector
Carbon monoxide making sure it's effective
People ringing up making offers for my life
But I just wanna stay in the garage all night
...
Contracts in the offices, groups in the night
My bummin' slummin' friends have all got new boots
An' someone just asked me if the group would wear suits

9) What is the best thing about me?

"Soft Serve" by Soul Coughing

Clearly this is a reference to my odd, yet descriptive, imagery in my writing. Or, people are using me assuming I have access to delicious soft serve.

10) How is today going to be?

"Bright Day" by Jack Drag

Well then, there you go.

11) What is in store for this weekend?

"The Book I Read" by the Talking Heads

I do plan on reading a lot. Of course, there is the whole underlying idea of reading someone else like a book and taking advantage of them:

Feel my fingers as they
Touch your arms
I'm spinning around but I feel alright
The book I read was in your eyes

Followed by a slightly-taunting "Na-na-na-na-na" repeated over and over again. So maybe I'll seduce and take advantage of someone.

12) What song describes my parents?

"School" by Nirvana

Oh yeah, my parents loved Kurt Cobain. The fact that that Nirvana was the band of my social formative years - Nevermind came out when I was in 8th grade and so I was the perfect age at the perfect time to be totally swept up by them - was a really pleasant thing for my parents to have experienced. Also, the school sucks! message of the song pretty much sums up their anti-education stance.

Won't you believe it
It's just my luck
No recess
You're in that school again

Or, you know, not.

13) My grandparents?

"Femme Fatale" by R.E.M. (Velvet Underground cover)

Did my grandmother(s) seduce my grandfather(s) and us them? I don't equate my grandmothers with vampy spider women. Though one of my grandfathers cheated on my grandmother, and the other grandmother was married to a gay man for a weekend before the marriage was annulled (not consummated... he was gay, after all... loooong story). So, maybe "Homme Fatale" would be better?

14) How is my life going?

"Hypnotize" by the White Stripes

And though I knew you weren't home
I didn't mind so much 'cause I'm so alone
I want to hypnotize you baby
On the telephone

Depressing... I need to trick the girl I love into loving me back. Though this song implies I lead a rip-roarin' rockin' life.

15) What song will they play at my funeral?

"Stop Dat" by Dizzee Rascal

My funeral is gonna fuck with people's heads.

16) How will the world see you?

"Fillet-O-Rapper" by MF Doom

A jokester genius! Rad.

17) Will I have a happy life?

"All the Wine" by the National

I'm put together beautifully
Big wet bottle in my fist, big wet rose in my teeth
I'm perfect piece of ass
All the wine is all for me.
I'm a birthday candle in a circle of black girls
God is on my side

Sounds like a pretty happy life to me. I mean, black girls and God! This song is basically about a guy being drunk and happy. I'll take it.

18) What do my friends really think of me?

"Four Sticks" by Led Zeppelin

Jon Bonham used four drumsticks on this song, ergo, my friends must really think I'm an unbelievable genius prodigy. Also, that I always run away from people:

Oh, Baby, it's cryin' time, Oh, Baby, I got to fly.
Got to try to find a way, got to try to get away,
'Cause you know I gotta get away from you, babe.

Fair enough.

19) Do people secretly lust after me?

"The Big Country" by the Talking Heads

Interpreting my interpretation of this song as it pertains to the question:

As we're flying 'cross country, somewhere over Nebraska:
ME: Hey! Do you lust after me?
NARRATOR: Um... Hey, look out the window! Farmland!

Your silence on the subject speaks volumes.

20) How can I make myself happy?

"Tear Out My Eyes" by Tricky

I wanna take my clothes off
Tear my mouth and nose off
And take out my eyes
I deserve to die because of lies
It's crazy lies
We have to die because of lies

A lot of people are dying for lies today. World affairs and the current administration do not make for happy thoughts. Mutilation to the point of separating myself from the world is one way to go, I suppose...

21) What should I do with my life?

"Wonderwall" by Paul Anka (Oasis cover)

Be a cheesy shithead? (DISCLAIMER: My interpretation is biased. I've had a, um... run-in let's say, with Paul Anka. Fuck that fucking fuck.) Maybe I should have told that asshole off even more? ("Today is gonna be the day / That they're gonna send it back to you")

22) Will I ever have children?

"The Big Three Killed My Baby" by the White Stripes

Yes, but they will die as a result of rampant capitalism as represented here by the automobile industry. Probably.

23) What is some good advice for me?

"Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt. 1" by the Flaming Lips

Stay strong and fight evil. Never quit.

... a black belt in karate
Working for the city
She has to discipline her body
Cuz she knows that
It's demanding
To defeat those evil robots

24) What is my signature dancing song?

"Graceland" by Paul Simon

Holy crap, I am a cracker-ass cracker. How white can I be?

25) What do I think my current theme song is?

"In This Home on Ice" by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Now that I'm so sad and not quite right
I could dance all night
I could dance all night

Apparently to my Paul Simon song... But this really is a lovely song. If it preceded me everywhere I went, I could dig it.

26) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

"Theme From New York, New York" by Frank Sinatra

WTF?!?! I'm a Mets/Orioles fan, I hate the Yankees!

27) What kind of men/women do you like?

"Mother's Little Helper" by the Rolling Stones

Depressed homemakers on pills.

28) Do you enjoy meat?

"Wonderwall" by Oasis

Two versions of this song came up on the shuffle play this close togteher? I don't know if this is a song to vegetarianism about the evils of eating red meat (i.e. "I said maybe / You’re gonna be the one to save me") or what.