Spreading Democracy by Spreading Legs

My morning commute takes about 20 minutes, which is a pretty quick drive by Los Angeles standards. My minor (and self-diagnosed) ADD means I'm constantly switching stations since I can't stand listening to radio commercials. I usually rotate between Adam Carolla (funny and smart), Al Franken (smart and funny), Rush Limbaugh (insane), and a CD (for when the other three are all on commercials. It happens. A lot. And it's annoying. But anyways...).

So today I happened to be listening to Limbaugh when he went into a rant about this whole Mark Foley affair. Part of his rant included this lovely little (paraphrased) run:

Now we have lists. Lists of which Republican officials are gay, which members of their staffs are gay... who in Washington is gay. Lists and lists of it. Ok, fine. The Dems want to have their lists? Fine. Because you know what? I want a list, too. I want a list of people's sexual preferences as well. Except I want a simple list of all the liberals: who likes to have sex Missionary style and who likes it woman-on-top. Because Missionary is active male, and woman-on-top is passive male, and we're fighting a war here, and we need active males to protect us.

First of all, what the hell?

Second of all, I suppose we now know about Rush Limbaugh's really dull sex life. All missionary, all the time. Sweet.

Thirdly, what is the correct answer for Nancy Pelosi or Barbara Boxer? Rush implied he wanted only missionary fans, but I would think the other option -- active female -- would be (in his really weird analogy... I mean, seriously, what the hell?) desirable. And what about when we have male officials dating/married to female officials at the CIA/FBI/Armed Forces/Legislative Branch? Do we need a 50/50 active male/active female ratio to ensure both are doing their part on the War on Terror, or is it better to have one spouse full-steam ahead on the war and the other to just take it, as it were?

Fourthly, this is Rush's idea of fighting a war... just plowing away with your ass in the air, going about your business stubbornly over and over again? Cuz, you know, that doesn't always work. If you get too predictable and boring, it just doesn't work anymore.

Maybe this is why troop casualties are still high and the insurgency is still going strong: here comes big bad America, and al-Qaeda just sighs, lying there staring at the ceiling, their head dully banging against the head board until, 3 minutes later America rolls off and goes to the bathroom where they look in the mirror and flex, completely missing the beginnings of a wart growing down there on their "smart-bomb," and meanwhile an IED goes off killing a dozen more people.