Band Names That Could Be Good Porno Film Names

1) Hole
2) Toad the Wet Sprocket (this one may just be me)
3) The Flaming Lips
4) The Buzzcocks
5) X
6) Captain Beefheart

More on Baseball by Way of Football

I'm really in this for the Red Sox. I tried not to care - I even came up with an argument as to why it would be better of the Yankees beat them. But I can't do it. The mind may be willing, but the heart isn't. And here's why:

I was 12-, 13-, 14-, and 15-years old when the Buffalo Bills went to their four Super Bowls. For me, as with many boys, those are prime ages for the height of one's sports fanaticism. I was lucky enough to be there for the heyday of Buffalo Bills football.

Oh, the heartbreak. When Scott Norwood missed the field goal in Super Bowl XX, I went upstairs and took as shower. And I cried in the shower.

I saw my beloved Bills become a punchline to a joke, a joke I would assume originated somewhere between Dallas and Fort Worth. Now I'm older and wiser, and I can look back on those Bills teams and realize how incredible and great they were. The stars: Jim Kelly, Andre Reed, Thurman Thomas, James Lofton, Bruuuuuuuuuuuce Smith, Henry Jones, Cornelius Bennett (when he was Derrick Thomas good), Nate Odomes, Darryl Talley, and on and on and on. And the lunchpail, working class fan favorites: Phil Hansen, Don Beebee, Pete Metzelaars, Kenneth Davis, Kent Hull, and of course the master of the greatest comeback in the NFL: Frank Reich.

I was playing Super Tecmo Bowl recently, and I was of course the Buffalo Bills. Aside from remembering what a force Bruce Smith is in that game, I remembered what a great time the early 90's were to be a Bills fan.

Kind of like how good the early 21st century has been to the Red Sox.

What's more, I remember the heartache and heartbreak. And I don't wish that on anyone. The Red Sox deserve to feel the joy I never got to feel; the catharsis I never had.

Plus, I really fucking hate the Yankees.

The SOX

Last Saturday, when the Yankees were leading 3-0, a friend of mine from Boston said to me, "Well at least they won't break my heart this year."

And while I was happy the Sox tied the series, I recalled my friend's heartbreak comment. That poor bastard, I thought.

All you poor bastards.

Godspeed.

From a Bedroom on the Hill near the Basement on the Hill He Might Have Wrote It

I bought the new Elliott Smith album today. I feel like he deserves the "get-it-the-day-it-comes-out-before-listening-to-it" treatment. I don't dislike anything he's done.

I've only listened to parts of it so far, but my first thought was:

why couldn't it have been John Mayer with a knife instead?

When I Die of Cancer, I Will Blame Bush and I Will Haunt Him In Ghost-Form

In the debates, Bush attacked Kerry's health care plan. He implied it was like Clinton's, and that socialized medicine is a bad thing. He rhetorically asked Americans, "do you want that?"

Uh, hey asshole, I can't afford health care. Yeah, I'd like a little help in that area. Or maybe you can use your influence on your brother Jeb, who in turn can flex some muscle with Michael Eisner who will change policy and his (and my) company will offer me health care? Huh? What's that? When what? Well, isn't one flying right up... oh, no wait, just a big bird. Never mind.

Christopher Reeve, Janet Leigh, and Rodney Dangerfield. They die in 3's.

Also, I wonder if Dick Cheney had Christopher Reeve killed because Kerry referenced him.

Happy Columbus Day!!!

To celebrate, I am reading King Leopold's Ghost. Yup, celebrate the advent of one genocidal era by reading about another!!! Go humans!!!

Quick question

Does anyone want to lift those weights for me? No? Fine...

Quick question

Does anyone want to lift those weights for me? No? Fine...

Overheard

"Hey, what's all that bubble wrap for?"
"It's for the equipment. We need to pack it in there."
"Oh."
"Why? Do you want some?"
"Well, I could always use some, but don't worry about it."

Could always use some bubble wrap. Amen, brother.

L.A. B.S.

Two ridiculous stories from work:

1) We need to buy Variety every morning for the writers because the show won't pay for a subscription. To recap: the show will pay for the magazine each day, but it won't pay for a (cheaper) subscription.

2) We need a new computer. We can get a hard drive for $500 and just use our keyboard, mouse, monitor, etc. However, Disney won't allow that because they only allow shows to get computers through their company, and it will cost $1,000.

Every day I pray that a giant earthquake levels Los Angeles. But now I imagine when the streets get torn up and the hills fall, we'll find 3 miles of steaming, stinking bullshit underneath that has kept this city standing.

Online Bowling Pt. 2

Came back and won the next 2 games. I feel a little better, but I'm still pissed about the first game.

Online bowling

I was playing a co-worker in a friendly game of online bowling. I was ahead by 2 pins. One frame to go. And another co-worker comes in and badgers me with stupid questions and I lose concentration and then lose the game. Sore loser? Yup. That's right - I'm actually pissed I lost the game of online bowling.

Do you really think that....

... no. You're right.

Drive-by Blogging

From a random blog I went to, I found the following phrase: "That went over as well as a porkchop in a punch bowl."

Who thinks up this stuff?

Mt. St. Helen's

I found this in an article on MSNBC.com:

"It was such a thrill!" said Faye Ray, a retired school teacher who watched from an observatory near the mountain.

They should have added, "and whose house isn't near Mt. St. Helen's."

It's a lot like: "Iraq is free," said George W. Bush, president of the United States, who watched from his mansion in Texas, and who isn't starving and has electricity.

Why don't we do it in the road?

No one will be watching us.

John Walsh on Larry King Live

John Walsh is hunting Osama bin Laden, he says.

As ridiculous as it may be to hope that an "America's Most Wanted" viewer has a tip on the whereabouts of bin Laden, I bet John Walsh wouldn't say this on TV:

"Thanks to you America, we've been able to pass information along to the CIA about the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden. And as a result, we're invading a completely different - yet also Muslim - country!"

Random movie quotes

"I just want to dance."
"What? Like an Irish monk?"
"Forgot to shave! Ha-ha!"
"San Dimas High football rules!"
"Who are those guys?"

Rock and Roll

Through my sources I just acquired an older, unreleased version of "Smile" by the Beach Boys. I hope to compare it with the version Brian Wilson just released.

After a first listen:

The album? Interesting. Ambitious. Good mixed with bad.

But Brian Wilson? Yeah... not too hard to believe this guy is on meds.